I used to hang out with you and your brother a lot when we were younger; around three to five years old to give an idea age wise. It would only be when I visited family in New York but that was quite often when I we were that young. The two of us and your brother used to have sleep overs all the time. The three of us were basically inseparable. In fact, we had taken baths together, I'm pretty sure. How embarrassing. I remember us trading Pokemon cards together when I came to visit once. I recall you traded two of my really wimpy cards for your holographic Charizard. The rules were: we couldn't trade back. However, when you found out how bad of a trade that was you cried and complained to my aunt about it. That is one memory I won't forget. Another one would be when we were jumping on a trampoline. There wasn't a net so we had to be careful not to bounce one another off of it. Bouncing each other off was not a problem in this case though. I don't really remember how it happened but somehow you ended up with your head in between two springs. That was a very scary moment for all of us, I think. My dad and my uncle had to force the springs a part and someone else pulled you out. We had a lot of fun together, I know that. Our fun had to stop though since there was some drama between our two families. I wasn't allowed to have you come over anymore whenever I came to visit, which wasn't very frequent since there were problems with my own family in Michigan. Years went by, thirteen years to be in fact, where our families didn't talk. But one thing brought us all together again: You.
I will not forget the day my dad got a phone call from my aunt. The two of them talked for a long time before my dad looked at me and said that you had committed suicide. Apparently you were being bullied in school and you couldn't take it anymore. Oh the things you must have gone through to put yourself in that dark place that many go to. My mind filled with so many wonderful memories of the two of us and your brother. I realized how much I missed those days. I had asked what your last name was so I could try and connect with your brother. I typed his name into the search bar on Facebook and there he was. I began writing a message to him, my fingers typing quickly. This is what I wrote:
Hey. I don't really know if you remember me or not since it has
been a really long time since we've seen each other, but I just though
that I would say hello and such. I heard about your brother, and I know
that you're going through a very rough time right now. It must be
pretty crazy around there; I can't even imagine. I know that it has
been a very long time since we have seen or talked to each other, but
I'm glad that I found you on Facebook. Maybe we can swap stories from
way back when and catch up? As I said before, I know that we haven't
seen or talked in a while, but I'm hoping you remember me since I
remember you.
I never got a response.
I have been at my aunt's house in New York for about a week now. I'm trying to find a job here so I can get my poor self some cash. When I arrived here, I had no clue that your one year anniversary of the day that you passed was so soon. I got into the van with my three cousins, aunt, and uncle to go to the lacrosse game that was dedicated to you. Your family came walking up and I hugged your mom. She said that she didn't really remember me; it has been fourteen years. While I was talking to my eldest cousin, my uncle tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and there was your brother. I hadn't seen him (or you) in forever. We're teenagers now...it's crazy. Your brother and I hugged each other and it was one of the longest hugs in my life. I thought that it might have been awkward, but it wasn't. The two of us talked about the book I had in my hands just before the dedication started. The girls on the lacrosse team read a whole list of things that you were and I found myself sad that I didn't get to know that side of you. It was all so very touching to watch. You were loved by so many...
When we got home, my eldest cousin went to work on my hair and face. She couldn't shut up about the fact that your brother had closed his eyes and had a really big smile on his face when we were hugging. She wants your brother and I to date...isn't that crazy? Anyway...she curled my hair and put makeup on my face. I will admit, I looked good. After she was finished it was time to go to your remembrance ceremony at a church. Two people gave a speech and your mother wrote you a letter. There were so many people and most of them were crying. My eldest cousin even cried. Everyone went inside the church to enjoy some cookies and drinks before the candle vigil in the gym. On the table were all sorts of yummy treats, but a box with blue rubber bracelets in it caught my eye. My family donated money so we each could get one. I put it on my right wrist and that's where it has stayed. The candle vigil was beautiful. I couldn't even tell you how many people were in that gym. We all passed the light onto the person next to us until everyone had a lit candle. We raised them up and watched as the room glowed. I had looked up at mine to see the candle burning brightly and the remembrance bracelet on my wrist. The moment was priceless.
We went up to your family after the candle vigil to say good-bye. I got yet another hug from your mother and was surprised to hear that she really did remember me. That made me pretty happy. I turned to see your brother and we gave each other a nice long hug. He told me that it was so nice to see me after all this time and I agreed. I then told him that I'm going to be here all summer and that we should catch up. I hope that this could be a possibility.
As I write all of this, I look at the bracelet on my right wrist. You will always be remembered, don't forget that. You made such an impact on so many people's lives. I will always remember you, even as the bracelet wears and tears.
With love and remembrance,
Samantha
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